Warning: Illegal string offset 'source1' in /home/zonerspo/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wp-original-source/multiple-source.php on line 121

Warning: Illegal string offset 'source2' in /home/zonerspo/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wp-original-source/multiple-source.php on line 122

Warning: Illegal string offset 'source3' in /home/zonerspo/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wp-original-source/multiple-source.php on line 123

Warning: Illegal string offset 'source4' in /home/zonerspo/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wp-original-source/multiple-source.php on line 124

Warning: Illegal string offset 'source5' in /home/zonerspo/public_html/wp-content/plugins/wp-original-source/multiple-source.php on line 125

Wednesday, September 28th, 2016

A LOT OF BEREAVEMENT THIS YEAR

4

MLB needs some help. Has anyone else noticed there’s a whole lot of bereavement going on in baseball this year?

Cliff Floyd recently lost his dad and was placed on the list. That’s obviously a legitimate reason, the main reason such a rule was instated. Others include Sean Gallagher, Robert Fick, Tim Lincecum, Scott Downs, Richie Sexson, Alex Gonzalez and too many more to list.

But teams are getting ridiculous while working within the confines of this rule. They are treating it like the old NBA injured list. Fax over some crazy make-em-up to the league office and hey, free time off for the player and free opening on the roster for the team. I personally think many of them don’t even know what bereavement means. I mean, check out some of these players and their reasons for going on the list. It just doesn’t seem right.

Braves journeyman catcher Corky Miller spent a weekend in May on the list after learning that HBO’s “Deadwood” was finally, officially canceled.

A’s relief pitcher Kiko Calero was left jaw agape when a 15 minute call to Geico proved fruitless. It DID NOT save him a lot of money. Unable to get over it, he landed on the list.

Devil Rays outfielder Carl Crawford did a stay on the list. After a local scribe mentioned that the Rays’ record is 363-568 since he’s been on the team, Crawford applied. I suppose that could be legit though.

Despite his persistence in ignoring all the barbs from his teammates about his name, Yankees outfielder Shelley Duncan was pushed to the list after a 19-minute rip session by Melky Cabrera resulted in Duncan collapsing to the ground in tears, cursing his parents.

Yankees outfielder Melky Cabrera was added to the list after Shelley Duncan emptied Cabrera’s bottle of “Aqua Velva” and replaced it with urine and tobasco sauce. The use of the concoction caused skin lesions as well as mental distress, as you might imagine. Revenge was sweet for Duncan, but again, that’s just not the right usage of the list.

Dodgers veteran Olmedo Saenz was added to the list after a nervous breakdown in June. Every 5 minutes, a member of the Dodgers 8-man coaching staff would approach Saenz asking for a quick chat. The first coach would tell him he was waived. 5 minutes later a second coach would walk up and tell him he wasn’t. And on and on. They finally stopped the cruelty after 2 hours when Saenz called his agent (the super from his building) and told him to file retirement papers with the league. He’s currently hitting .186.

And finally, though not in the league anymore, pitcher David Wells was overwhelmed with sadness when a glance at the calendar in April made him realize that it was 20 years to the day since he last saw his feet. He was fine until he thought about other appendages he had also not seen.

  • http://thewaywardbus.wordpress.com Mike O’Donnell

    Dude, when are you going to write the monologue for SI? I’m still waiting on your Letterman spot.
    Hillarious stuff!!

  • http://zonersports.com The Zoner

    Thanks! At least someone thinks so. Don’t know what that says for you though…

  • dhaab

    Don’t quit your day job, Zoner. :)

  • http://thewaywardbus.wordpress.com Mike O’Donnell

    A-Ha-ha….er……um……ouch.

Tweeter button Facebook button Reddit button Digg button Stumbleupon button