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Saturday, July 21st, 2018



A long time ago, it was said to me that there is a parade and a magazine for everything. Years later I added ‘website’ to that list and most recently a blog. If it’s anything about anything, you know there is a blog or 2 or 98 about it. And everyone’s blogging. Even Iranian leader Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

Yep, Mr. President is indeed blogging and his blog is like many others. He answers mail. You can post comments. He opines on many different things. He has links for you to visit. And it’s readily available in Farsi, Arabic, English or French.

He will usually start his posts with “In the Name of Almighty God, the All-Knowing, the Most Lovingly Compassionate” and then get into the body of his thoughts. When answering an e-mail or question, he tends to go with “Venerable Mother” or “Noble Americans”. He has even used a post to wish all of his readers a Merry Christmas stating “Jesus Christ, the Messiah (peace be upon Him)”.

I really enjoy his blog. I was surprised that he answered my e-mail and even more surprised about his knowledge of American sports. Here is my note to his excellence.

Dear Mr. President,

Not only do we have an unending war to worry about, now even my beloved, mighty Chicago Bears have gone the way of many other Super Bowl runners-up. They have dissolved into a group of incompetent players, many suffering painful, affecting injuries. Some are even giving the press a hard time. The coach is quixotic in his belief that this team will make it to post-season football.

Of course, I don’t know that you even know of Don Quixote or my beloved football team. But if you do, would you mind dropping some helpful hints for my beleaguered team? I’ll log off and listen for my answer.

Sincerely & peace in the Middle East,

The Zoner

(read the response after the jump…)

Venerable Zoner,

It is with great sadness that the conflict in Iraq is still in full turmoil. It is also with sadness that I follow these Chicago Bears. I watch them in the Super Championship last year and came to appreciate their ferocity. I am especially diasppointed with the runner #32. He would seemingly rather be in Kabul than running the skin of the pig for many yardage.

Do they do a test for toxic drugs in this football game? Your leader #8 seems especially confused; perhaps some blood tests could reveal a poisoning of sorts–I suspect those dastardly Packers.

As for your #54 defender, we all get a good laugh of talk of an “Arthritic Back”. Hah! There is no such medical thing.

But keep the faith! Much like America can once again become a great nation, so too can “our” beloved Chicago Bears.

Please send my regards to “Da Mayor”.


Da Prez

  • dhaab

    LOL!! Matt, that is one of the funniest things you’ve ever written here. EXCELLENT!!

    “skin of the pig” :)

  • http://allonthefield.blogspot.com Kevin

    You had me going there for a minute. But as I re-read it, it’s almost Borat-esque. Nicely done.

  • http://zonersports.com Z

    LOL. Well most of it is true until you get down to my letter and the response.

  • http://thewaywardbus.wordpress.com Mike O’Donnell

    Dude be careful.

    You might be under surveilance now.

  • http://zonersports.com The Zoner

    Um, we are already under surveillance.

    “Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.”–Benjamin Franklin

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