Tiger likely won’t say much at his press conference. Sorry for this, sorry for that, looking forward to playing again, yada, yada, yada… Here’s what Tiger should do: go with comedy!

10. “For starters, please excuse the cold sore on my mouth.”

9. “I didn’t really drive a Buick anyway. Think about it. I can drive any car I want – you think I’m rollin’ in a Lucerne?”

8. “I thought about texting my statement, but…”

7. “And you all thought John Daly was the Bad Boy of golf.”

6. “Heard any good jokes lately?” (an homage to Pee Wee Herman)

5. “Half of a lot is still a lot. Big time.”

4. “Too bad Chappelle’s Show isn’t on anymore. They would have had the best skits about this…Fo shizzle.”

3.  “Are you guys still watching Lost? Soooo hard to figure out.”

2. “Ernie Els thinks my timing is bad? Kind of like his yips on 2-foot putts. Choker.”

1. “You think this is bad, wait until I get busted for roids. Oops, did I say that out loud?”.