ZONER AT THE MOVIES
Let’s have a look at some recent films. First, “In Theaters Now”.
The Last Mimzy- The story of former NFL defensive tackle Chris Mims. Angered as a child by the constant schoolyard taunt of “Mimzy”, Mims proceeded to store that anger like ATP in his muscles. Muscles that grew large and powerful and propelled him to a mediocre yet lucrative 9-year career in the NFL.
Amazing Grace- Biopic of the fine former 1st Baseman of the Chicago Cubs, Mark Grace. Never before seen footage of Grace trying to shake off his hangover while puffing on a Marlboro Light in his underwear and also working with his phony coach.
The Astronaut Farmer- Dramatic, poignant film about White Sox play by play announcer Ed Farmer’s journey to several planets and several used-to-be planets. In one riveting scene, the language barrier proves nearly fatal for Farmer as he does not understand the Mercurian word for “Shut up!”. He ends up being lasered and eventually phased out to another galaxy.
Blood Diamond- Futuristic, psychedelic film about disgraced baseball players transferred to another dimension to take battle in the ultimate 7-game series. The winners get a lifetime supply of new masking agents and a $50 free bet at an online gambling site. The losers are eternally confined to appearances on “The Best Damn Sports Show”. Starring Pete Rose, Mark McGwire, Rafael Palmeiro, Jason Giambi and others. Ghost of Steve Howe played by Matthew McConaghey.
Dead Silence- Outstanding look at the hours leading up to and including Tony La Russa’s drunken nap and arrest at a stop light in Florida. Danny DeVito stars as the delicate genius. During a fitful part of the nap, La Russa begins talking and reveals a bit too much. The delivery of the line, “Albert…Albert…oh, don’t trust the needle” is sure to get DeVito an Oscar nod.
Exterminating Angels- Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Or a demented baseball fan fed up with the ever-changing name of the city of his favorite team. Gary Busey plays a psycho who stalks the Angels players and sadistically picks them off. It’s creepy, wicked Busey at his best when he hollers at a running Garret Anderson: “You’ve never walked before–why start now, right? HAHAHAAHAHAHA!”
Now on DVD:
A Good Year- In 1996, at the age of 32, one man went completely freako on opposing pitchers and had a season like he never had before–and never would ever again. The man was Brady Anderson, the homers totaled 50, the place was Baltimore. Now, special investigators are retracing all the steps of that insane year and trying to uncover its zenith. Andrew McCarthy stars as Brady Anderson.
Frailty- “Why God! Whyyyyy!!!” Haunting screams from Cubs Pitching Coach Larry Rothschild echo throughout this film, as the tortured coach drags himself out to the mound time and time again. Bones protrude, skin shreds and yet he keeps making the dark journey to advise and remove overpaid starting pitchers. The film cruelly reveals just how much one man can take. And when he finally breaks at yet another mispronounciation of his last name, well…it isn’t NC-17 for nothing. Gina Gershon stars as Mark Prior and Tori Spelling plays Kerry Wood.
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